Sunday, Nov. 16, 2003 - 10:44

Good morning to you Gentle Reader!

Had the weirdest dream about Ryan today. Of course I slept most of the day (Saturday) prior to work, as I’d worked Friday night. So I got home at whatever time it was Saturday morning, crawled into bed, and stayed there until 6:30pm Saturday night. But the dream I had was disturbing and odd, and I woke up crying from it….

I dreamt that Ryan had had a baby. There was no indication that a girl was involved; just all of a sudden, he had this tiny, cute little bundle of a baby in his care. In the dream, we were standing at a bus stop, not far from where we live. Ryan was in a suit, and he had the little girl all wrapped in a pink blanket in his arms. He went to put her down, on the pavement. I was somewhat horrified by this – and annoyed: why didn’t he just give her to me? I’d be quite happy to hold her.

But it was like he didn’t or couldn’t see me. In the dream he hadn’t given the baby a name. I chose the name Ashleigh (which is odd, because I can think of a few other girls’ names I’d prefer but what the hey…). I suggested Ashleigh, but he didn’t seem to hear me. Yet, in the end, he announced he was going to call the baby Ashleigh, though in such a manner as to indicate that it was his own choice or idea, clearly not having noticed me or heard my suggestions.

Then suddenly it was night and there was a party happening at our apartment. The baby, Ashleigh, had been left with someone living nearby, to be taken care of. This struck me as especially wrong, and I went walking up and down the street, calling out for her, crying, because I felt that she should be there; and I was pissed at Ryan for not seeming to care that she wasn’t with us. Yet I knew Ryan obviously loved her, but he just seemed more focused on other things…

That was about it…

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