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Sunday, Oct. 02, 2005 - 20:39 Through a Glass Darkly... If you’re familiar with Star Trek, or even Buffy the Vampire Slayer, then you may recall the episodes both shows had, dealing with an alternate Universe in which a much loved character (or characters) resided, but as a darker, sinister reflection...? Well, that was the atmosphere the following dream possessed… In this world Michael was still alive. We were together, living in a palatial penthouse in a large city. It was obvious by the clothes I wore, the décor of the penthouse etc., that we lived in the lap of luxury. But Michael was different in this world. He looked the same; his voice and laugh were essentially the same (although the latter echoed with a hollow, cold quality devoid of true humor, but chillingly cruel). His eyes, while the same colour of blue-violet, had an edge to them that was nothing short of sinister, hard and utterly ruthless. For my own part, my counterpart in this world was filled with resentment, bitterness and fury; cynical in the extreme, and bristling with hatred against the man (Michael) that I paradoxically also loved. In this Dark World, Michael was at the ‘top of the food chain’; a crime lord who presided over an enormous empire that turned over billions of dollars every year. He’d charmed his way to the top, and when charm failed, he’d employed brutality and fear and intimidation until he’d finally got what he’d wanted. He was a demigod bathed in the blood of his victims. I wanted to leave him, but that was impossible. Not only because Michael would never permit me to leave and also live, but because while I despised him, I also continued to love him. And for his part, he felt much the same way. Ours was a very twisted, dark and cruel union, punctuated with violent fights, horrible mind games and so forth… Another factor that contributed to my dependence on Michael was my drug addiction, which he’d instigated and had continued to feed over the years. This was a major source of my feelings of resentment and revulsion towards Michael. However, I felt too weak to fight him or the addiction. There’s a hazy memory of an argument, in which vile curses were uttered until finally Michael threw me against a wall and savagely attacked me. After beating me near unconcious, Michael proceeded to rape me, using a foreign object (which I'm no longer able to recall what it was exactly). It was at which point the Dark World version of myself decided he’d had enough. He wanted revenge. The dream jumps and flashes and fades here and there… but I gathered that the Dark World version of myself went to the police and offered to spy on Michael, bug the house etc., and help to bring him down… In my hot and angry mind, I knew there was nothing noble as to why I was doing this; it was all about destroying him before he destroyed me… Regrettably, the ending of the dream of this Dark World is lost to me; scattered images remain of a final confrontation, as my treachery was exposed, between Michael and I on the balcony of the penthouse, overlooking the city’s night time skyline. Am fairly certain one or both of us ended up going over the edge of the balcony and falling to our deaths… There was a second dream about Michael, some time after this one. In it Michael was as he remains in my heart; the gentle, charming giant with the good, warm pure heart and the wicked sense of humor and eyes bright and loving. Michael was telling me something – something very important. I knew it was vital to pay attention, so focused everything on him… but then a shadow fell across us. I turned around and saw the silhouette of a tall man looming up from behind me. “… It’s too late, Jay – he’s already here,” Michael said, his voice light and breathy with sadness and regret. … At which point, I woke up…
Copyright Jay Kerin 
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